


candy pants

by wxncest



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, mlm, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:05:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14513175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxncest/pseuds/wxncest
Summary: a mature oneshot in which dan and phil get a tad drunk while between shows on the interactive introverts tourrated mature for smut and language





	candy pants

warnings: smut, language, mlm relationship, excessive drinking 

Point of View: Dan

We were sat in some obscure restaurant with a conjoined bar inside when it all began going downhill. It all started with a bar menu, a few short kisses, and a few "awws" from Louise, our friend from London, who had decided to bring us along to dinner after our Milton Keynes show. The show was a success, and now our only responsibility for a few hours was to be watchful and vigilant of our surroundings or, more specifically, for lurking fans of ours. 

Louise suggested we sit in a booth out of sight from anyone else in the restaurant. The host knew who we were (his daughter adored us) and asked for an autograph once we were seated and promised to "keep our secret" from the obviously intelligent eleven year old of his. We immediately obliged and thanked him for understanding the circumstances. He turned and simply locked his lips with his pointer finger and thumb before smiling and walking away to grab a waiter, a supposedly ancient woman who didn't even know how to use Google. 

"Now that was a close call, guys," Louise chimed, looking intently at the menu of various drinks. Now that she what given birth, she could finally have alcohol again.

"Lou, our lives consist of close calls," Phil laughed and rested his hand on my thigh under the table. 

Louise noticed and rolled her eyes with a hum. "Philip Michael Lester, you better not be giving your fiancé a wank right now."

This caused me to cough with laughter and Phil to blush crimson, which all the more made Louise happy. I ignored her comment with a smirk, and looked down at the menu. Soon enough, I gasped in horror.

"Look at this bullsh–"

Phil clasped his hand over my mouth. "Language, Daniel."

I licked his hand and he threw in the towel. "Oh, says mister "if I win at Fortnite, I curse victoriously like a fucking sailor." 

"Shut up," he poked his tongue between his front teeth as he laughed, and I turned my fiancé toward Louise.

"Lou, see, he does the tongue thing!" I outed his tendency while snorting as I laughed. 

"I do not!" He defended, leaning in to whisper. "Choose a bloody drink, babe."

"I cannot look at that menu. It greatly disturbs me." I crossed my arms over my chest in defiance.

Louise cocked her head. "Why? Is someone scared of getting a little snockered?" 

"No. Babe, look at this garbage." With that he turned to look me in the eyes. "I hate you. But seriously, their putting gender roles on drinks now."

Both Phil and Louise threw their heads back with a groan. I was puzzled, yet slightly amused. "What?"

"You and your ceaseless feminism. I love it, but you scare me sometimes." Lou answered with a chuckle.

"Okay, um...Dan, how 'bout I get the "Candy Pants," and you get "My Princess."" Phil tried to calm me. 

"Is it because I'm the bottom, Philip?" I leaned in closer to intimate the diddly heck out of him. Obviously it didn't work.

He simply shook his head and kissed me. "No, it's because it suits you, Daniel." 

"Phil–"

That's the unfortunate moment when our waitress, Deana, decided to ask our orders. Phil and I put on our best "no homo" faces and Louise tried not to laugh.

"Sorry to interrupt. My name's Deana, and I'll be serving you tonight. What drinks can I get you?" She perkily asked for someone well past fifty years old. We all locked eyes before replying, and she noticed that Phil's and my gaze lingered.

"You two are a lovely couple," she politely added. We both blushed, and thanked her before she got out her pen and paper to write down our orders.

"Lou, you wanna go?" I heard Phil whisper to her. 

She nodded and smiled. "I'll take one Mystic Purple, please."

"And I'll have one of the Candy Pants concoction," Phil giggled. "Dan?"

"Um," I slightly choked. "O-one of the My Princess drinks, thanks."

She grinned, put the pen in her apron, and left to fill our orders. Once we got our drinks, we were down for the count. Louise paced herself, as it was her first drink since Pearl was born, but Phil and I forgot our own names after drowning in those god damned sweet-ass "feminine" drinks. We had about three drinks each while gradually sharing ours with each other. Before we knew it, we were drunk out of our minds. 

Louise, of course, opted to get us a cab to safely get us both to our hotel room, as we had walked to the venue. Once we got in the car, all hell broke loose and apparently god is a cynic, as Toxic by Britney Spears came on over the radio and Phil went apeshit on us and began singing in a terrifyingly off key drunk voice. He is so lucky I love him, because I wanted to tuck and roll so badly but unfortunately, my legs barely minded my brain. 

In the elevator after we paid our cabbie, Phil obviously switched his mood from an excited, quirky drunk to an insanely horny one, and as soon as the doors closed, he began straddling me against the wall. He kissed me with an intoxicated passion, and I didn't mind it one bit. 

When we reached our floor, we had to compose ourselves and cover our forming hickeys in front of the cleaning crew, who were waiting for the elevator when we emerged. We managed to stumble drunk and in love to the door of our room, struggled to find the key, and finally got inside after a horrendous amount of effort. 

Phil closed the door and locked it prior to attacking me like the wild, lanky animal he is and pushing me up against the wall. I moaned loudly as he sucked at my neck, his sweet kisses hitting my warm skin like rays of the sun.

"D-dan," he hiccuped, "Dan, I n-need your permission to go any further."

Of course, him being a gentleman just made the bulge in my pants grow larger, so I viciously nodded. "I need you. Now."

He growled in a passion-laced voice, husky with the atmospheric tension. Then, he began palming me through my pants, to which I responded with an inarticulate groan of pleasure. I whimpered and ducked my head into his collarbone, and he started to grind against my crotch with his. 

"So, Princess, shall I escort you to the bed?" He whispered into my ear.

I answered with a nod. "If you keep teasing me, I'm gonna bite your dick off."

"Don't vore me, babe," he breathed with a laugh, pushing me backwards with care onto the bed. 

He removed his red polo shirt before jumping into bed and hoisting me up onto my knees so that I could be at eye level with him, my raven haired soulmate. He helped me remove my own shirt, barely resisting the urge to tear it off. We then locked lips, and I slid my tongue inside his mouth and explored every crevice. He clutched at my back, leaving sensual red markings from his nails in pleasure. 

The feeling of his bare skin on mine was enough to make me swell in my black skinny jeans, and he smirked against my lips. 

"Don't come so soon, baby," he cooed, "we're just getting started." 

"Okay, candy pants," I smirked, "what're you gonna do to me?"

He inhaled and pressed my back to the headboard. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll limp on stage tomorrow, then I'm gonna suck you dry and let you squirm under my touch." 

"Take me right now, Philly," I moaned at the sound of his voice getting farther away. He grabbed the lube from his suitcase on the desk, and immediately scrambled back to the bed. 

"You sure, Danny?" He asked once more. I nodded vigorously in reply. And with that, he removed my skinny jeans and my pants, leaving me revealed, exposed, and unbelievably horny. "Jesus, you're more breathtaking than last time we did this. How's that even possible?"

I blushed. "Just get on with the fun part before I implode." 

"Will do," he replied before thoroughly lubing up his two fingers. He pulled off his jeans and boxers as well, kneeled behind me, and kissed up and down my back. I got on my hands and knees and desperately awaited his finger penetration. 

When he slipped one finger inside, I moaned and nearly cried from both pain and pleasure. He pumped it in and out at a steady pace before adding a second finger, to which I replied with a muffled scream in pure euphoria. He scissored his digits inside me, throughly stretching my hole to an adequate size to take his cock.

He leaned up and kissed my neck, which in turn made my head jerk up. "Whenever you're ready, baby."

I swiftly turned around and he spread his legs wide, showing me the massive dick I know and love. I squatted down on top of him and lined myself up with his erect member. Seeing as he was already lubed up, I moaned as I stretched myself around his fat cock, taking every inch eagerly. Once he was balls deep inside me, we both panted and kissed.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I-I love you too, Philly," I managed despite the coil in my stomach, "now p-please start moving."

He then began slowly thrusting out of me before ramming his dick back inside, eliciting a bundle of curses and screams. Before I knew it we were moving at a steady pace, but I didn't stop panting, and neither did he. 

He continued thrusting in and out of my now reddened hole, and kissing up and down my chest. He let his hands roam around to my back, where he pulled me into an embrace while still pumping his cock inside my rectum. I felt him swell within me, and he was obviously struggling to keep it together. 

"D-Dan, I'm gonna—I'm gonna come, baby," he whispered through the thick layer of sweat on his forehead, as this was just about the only exercise either of us get. 

I pushed myself down further on his dick, and pressed my forehead to his. "Come on, babe. Fill me up." 

His thrusts became more rapid and I screamed as he released his load inside of me, hot, sticky and sweet. I collapsed on top of him, and we fell back onto the pillows in a heap of sexual deliriousness. However, Phil wasn't out of energy yet; he squirmed down on the comforter and spread my legs wide to expose my own erect member. 

I stifled a moan as he took me in his mouth, the tip of my cock sliding into his throat. To my surprise, he didn't choke or gag, but continued sucking and licking my dick. I felt the familiar coil in my midsection return, and I lightly pressed his head down as I came closer and closer to my breaking point. 

He saw that I was struggling, so he massaged my balls as his thin lips stretched wide around my dick. I mumbled something about coming to my point of release, but he kept sucking until I was forced to come in his mouth. I fell back in an intense orgasm, and he straddled my hips. I leaned up to kiss him, and we were overwhelmed with the residual pleasure from our sexual encounter. 

"That was amazing," I breathless broke the silence.

"You were amazing, baby," he answered, leaning his head on my bare chest. "How 'bout we go take a shower and then go to sleep." 

I shook my head. "My legs are deceased."

He pondered for a moment and then smiled. "Alright, I'll carry you to the bath." 

.,.

And...you can probably guess what happened there. 

There's no moral to this story, no extravagant meaning. All of this was to say that, well, if you see me limping onto the stage with a stupid happy grin on my face, know that your innocent little Phil Lester is behind it. 

Literally.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyooo!
> 
> So I'm starting this oneshot collection off right with a smutty drabble before I go wash my eyes out with holy water. 
> 
> I'm joking. That shit burns.
> 
> Have a good day, or whatever. 
> 
> Xx,  
> Devyn
> 
> ((ALSO: are any of you guys coming to see ii? If so, when? As I'm going to the 8/8 show in SD))


End file.
